I ignored every red flag and married him anyway
My body said no. My guilt said yes.
I knew I shouldn’t marry him.
Not because of some dramatic betrayal or flashing neon red flag.
But because my body was already shrinking.
Tight chest.
Cold hands.
Panic that felt like I was drowning in the middle of a goddamn hallway.
He proposed and I felt… nothing. Not joy. Not peace. Just a deep, nauseating pressure that felt like being buried alive under expectations and church-approved timelines.
So I broke up with him.
For about five minutes.
Then came the sob story. The desperate paging me “911” in the middle of community college class. (yes, I’m that old! lol)
Me standing at a payphone—remember those?—listening to him cry and promise he’d change.
And me?
I ignored my gut and took him back.
Because guilt felt heavier than the truth.
Because I was already trained to confuse obligation with love.
That decision rerouted my entire life.
Not just because the marriage didn’t work (spoiler: it didn’t), but because I abandoned myself before I even said “I do.”
No one talks about how spiritual conditioning makes you override your own knowing.
How trauma teaches you to betray yourself with a smile.
How you don’t even realize you’re bleeding until years later when the scab keeps getting ripped off.
The intuition I was searching for wasn’t gone.
She was just hoarse from screaming.
This month on
, we’re talking about what it means to listen to the body that never stopped trying to protect you.If that hit something in you, I made a workbook that might help. It’s called The Embodied Oracle and it’s sacred medicine for anyone learning how to trust themselves again.